Dear.....

I was inspired by a former classmate that's why I decided to do this as well. As of now, I don't intend this to be read by anyone because I feel that I am not ready. Someday, however, is another issue and I choose not to think about it first.

It's been two months and I don't know how to describe how I'm feeling for you at this moment. I don't know if I could say that I am over you because well, sometimes at the most random times I suddenly remember that you once loved me. I don't know if I could say that I am not over you because I want to be over with you and I don't think my heart needs more pain.

It's so unfair though. I've assessed that I don't fall in love that easily and what annoys me is the fact is at the moment I finally decide to dive in and take the risk of hitting my heart in the pool of emotions, it happens. Why must fate hurt me so? Why? Why is it at the instance I finally try it out, I get hurt? He shouldn't have tried knocking on my heart if he was just going to put his foot in and then out again. I don't think i even had the chance to feel the love I was hoping i could get from him after nearly two years of hoping.

Why is it that when he decided to break up with me, he didn't tell me about his eff'd up girlfriend? Why didn't he just save the crap and tell me? Why did he have to say all the shitty things saying that he isn't good enough for me bla bla bla. What the hell was that for? You were already on you way out of my heart but then you decided to keep the door open making me think that someday we'll be together again. Why say all those bull shit? I thought we had a great breakup. I was effin wrong. Sure you told me and didn't prolong it, but what the hell? Weeks after I find out that you actually left an effin testimonial for her saying that you miss her on  the day of our first month? January 15 was the day you were itching to reach. "Oh I can't wait for our first month..." bla bla bla a load of crap.

Okay fine, we didn't have much happening since we were only together for a month but it was more than that for me! I've loved you ever since December 2005 and here i waited, waited for the chance to finally tell you how i feel but when the time came, you made everything amazing for me! But while I was swimming in that realm of magic getting ready to dream about you and me, you suddenly text and drain all the water from the pool I was in. You punch an enormous hole through it leaving it empty in less than a minute. There you leave me dumbstruck, not knowing what had hit me wondering if what just happened was part of a dream or not.

I am however thankful though.

Thank you for showing me that love can happen when you're young. Before I feel for you, I thought that serious loving only happened when you're older. It was a shame I realized it months too late.

Thank you for teaching me how to get hurt. It's something everyone must go through and I'm glad I experienced it at a young age. At least next time I'll be dealing it in a better way.