Ningas mo.

Madaling magliyab. Ngunit kasing bilis ng kanyang siklab ang paglaho ng alab at paglamig ng mga senisadong abo. Mga ilang segundo lamang at ang mga abong ito'y sasama na sa hangin at tuluyan nang maglalaho. Ganyan ang buhay. Himbing na, sinta; bukas na lamang. Filipino, kay ganda mo. :)

Of a hollow self and hollow books

DISCLAIMER: VERY VERY LONG, ONE SIDED AND MAY NOT EVEN MAKE SENSE. I just needed an outlet. 

At this moment, I'm supposed to be reading 150 pages worth of Philippine history for my midterm this week. I've started reading it before the weekend even ended and frankly if not for my fear of failing, that book would be buried deep in the trash. I should be reading now, but every part of my mind, heart and body told me otherwise. I suddenly felt the urge to write (something I haven't really done in the longest time). Lately, I've been finding myself down in the dumps a lot. Although I'd occassionally smile and feel happy in my life, the feeling of sadness would still somehow finds its way to me and consume every happy vibe. Everyone who knows me well knows that I am generally a happy person and now, I just can't bring myself to be happy for a whole day anymore. Is it depression? :| I just realized that I haven't written anything about my college life ever since it began two months ago. Before, I really couldn't figure out why. Then it dawned on me. There just really isn't anything worth writing about. I mean, fine. I enjoy the freedom of choosing our own classes, not having to wear a uniform anymore and having only a few hours of class but those are petty things. Looking past these "new experiences", I can safely say that I just feel plain and simply hollow. Nothing fills my soul enough anymore.

I MISS ART.

For the past four years, art was everywhere! In my thoughts, in my dreams, in my actions, in the air I breathe. I didn't have to look too far to find it. Sure, we'd still have the basic education classes, but art didn't leave us even for a second! Our exams, presentations, and projects always challenged us artistically. It's what made learning a lot more fun! Okay, sure, we didn't have Stat, or Calculus, heck we only made it to Circles in Geometry back in junior year! But the thing is, back then, I knew I understood the lessons and somehow I enjoyed them.

Ever since college began, it's as if my life went through this enormous vacuum where, if not all, almost everything I lived for was sucked out of me. I found myself back in a classroom, with a bag full of books, endless (forgive me) seemingly senseless readings, and Art was nowhere in sight to comfort me. I felt abandoned. I tried coping with the emptiness by watching plays and performances. They would fill the void at a certain point, but I feel useless and helpless as I watch these people onstage. I made an oath upon graduating that I should do something to contribute to the growth of art in the Philippines and here I am, being stagnant.

Shame on you, Joelle. What are you doing with your life.

I try to think positive, endlessly repeating to myself that it just isn't my time yet. So I go and try to be a student and study. Four years ago, I could do that with ease. Bury myself in a book, memorize every date, every person, get a good grade and make my parents proud. Looking back at what I studied before, not a single lesson stayed in my mind up to now. Four years after, I just can't seem to do it. Don't get me wrong. I understand what I read, it's just that, I can't seem to copy the words and paste them in my mind like I used to. These things need to have meaning to me or else it'll be senseless to remember the details. I am disappointed with most of my current mentors. Usually, I am thrilled with the thought of learning something new, especially if the mentors are as eager as I am to help their students learn. However, I am faced with the sad reality of our education: That man is generally afraid of change. My parents are educators, and one thing I've learned from hearing their discussions on the Philippines' education system is the fact that books are no longer enough. This is the 21st century! We cannot forever stick to what we're used to. We must immerse ourselves in the lessons and experience them firsthand if possible to capture the full essence of it all. What is the point of studying if we sooner or later choose to forget them because they have been mostly a pain in the head? Where have all the passionate mentors gone? I've always looked at most of my past mentors with high respects because I'd learn something new about life everyday. Sure, books were there but we hardly used them and we'd learn from stories. Sure, we'd have objective items, but most had questions that required us to voice out our opinions and the way we understood things. It felt good to be heard out. Why must our country have the two biggest malls in Asia but probably the least growth when it comes to education? I don't get it. I really really don't.

I am overwhelmed with so many things right now that I can't possibly say that what I just typed made sense anymore. I am, however, thankful for those who sympathize.

I've been at this for over an hour. I have a date with my history book.

Ay patay. Ohno.

Tila nangyayari na ang kinatatakutan ng lahat; ang kinatatakutan ko.

This cannot work out the way I want it to

Ako'y natutumba.. Natutumba.. Paroo't parito.. Parang duyan. Paroo't parito.

It'll be emotionally stressful; a stretch for two.

Ilang tulak nalang at baka matuluyan na ako.

It takes two to tango. There's an open hand waiting to close as I put mine on it.

Tulong. Nahuhulog na ako. Saluhin niyo ako.

I'd like to think it was a nightmare; something I'd wake up to and forget after a few days.

Hindi ito maaari. Kailangang bumangon. Kailangang labanan ang bigat.

But it's not. Mali ito.

Bakit must ito come dito and banta everything aking built?

Halo.Halo.Halo.

I want it to go away. Yet it's like darkness consuming me.

A darkness I seem to enjoy swimming in.

Halo.Halo.Halo.

Goodbye to Packing for Aling Maria

I woke up today with the sound of silence. It was eerie and something I've never felt before. Then I remembered that it's June 1; that's right. aakyat na sila ngayon. Days before this, I did what I could to be able to go up today just so I could finally see myself apart from the enrolling students and accept that it's time to move on. Curse the distance and the rain. I was naturally not allowed to go and it saddened me because all of a sudden the rain stopped. Just before falling asleep, I could almost hear the sounds of crickets chirping, somehow still hoping that by some miracle I'd find myself back in Aling Maria's arms again.

 I woke up to the sound of silence and a clear-ish sky. Never in my life have I felt like the sky was mocking me. I lay in bed imagining what they could be doing: Payments, lining up, hellos with hugs, and cars being unloaded; some things I've been doing and gotten used to for the past four years. Up to now, it feels weird to be back home again. Done with the worries of packing, ranting about how summer is finally over, and making the most of every amenity at home. I am not the best acceptor of change and I guess it's a curse. It's funny how when I was still studying there, groans would always be my welcome message to Maria; I was hardly ever excited to go up. But now that it's over, there's nothing more I'd want right now than to be back up there feeling the breeze, seeing the beautiful view of Los Banos, being among people who share the same (or more) amount of passion for the arts, and living in Aling Maria's caring arms. It's funny how we can never be contented.

A new chapter will officially begin in a week and I am nothing but a nervous wreck. Like I said, I am not the best acceptor of change so God knows how I'll be dealing with meeting new friends and getting around my classes this time. God knows. Well, 'til then, I shall do what I can to make the most out of what's left of my beautiful summer. :)

CLYDE'S AMAZING ACT !

This was after Batu-bato Pik in Vargas when Clyde suddenly discovered a super super duper awesome talent that no one else can do! GO CLYDE! :D

Bob Ong is Doctor Love =)))

Got this from Ivy. :) HAHAAH ginising ako ng mga banat =)) HAHAHA

Dear Mr. Bob Ong,

Matagal ko na pong nililigawan itong ramp model na stage actress na nakilala ko recently sa isang party. Nasisiraan na ako ng bait. Pag nakilala mo siya, tiyak matutunaw ang utak mo sa kakaisip sa kanya.

Hingi lang po ako ng advice. Paano ko po siya mapapaibig? Bibigyan ko ba siya ng tula ? Haharanahin ko ba siya? Roses? Kalachuchi? Chocnut at sampaguita?

In lab na po ako. Ano po ang gagawin ko? Is she the one.

Lubos na gumagalang,

- Bartolome -

 

- ANG REPLY -

Dear Bartolome,

Hindi ka talaga sasagutin niyang nililigawan mo. Napaka-old school kasi ng mga tactics mo. Wala nang gumagawa ng ganyan. Sa panahon ngayon, lahat ng bagay, nagtaas na. Nagtaas na ang gasolina, nagtaas na ang presyo ng bigas at mga bilihin, nagtaas na ang pamasahe, at lalong nagtaas na rin ng standards ang mga babae. Hindi na uubra yang siopao at kalachuci mo. Lalo na yung huli mong binigay, hopia at santan. Ano ba pare? Ano’ng era ka ba pinanganak?

Pero don’t worry. It’s not too late. May pag-asa ka pa. Hindi pa naman siya kinakasal at di pa niya sinasagot yung crush niya na basketball player. Kahit lamang siya ng sampung paligo sa’yo, daanin mo sa utak at creativity. Dahil aminin na natin, iyon na lang talaga ang pag-asa mo. Heto, bibigyan kita ng mga simple, tried and tested na mga regalo para di siya mapurga sa hopia at siomai. Sundin mo ‘to, tiyak na lalaglag ang bagang niya sa’yo. Mga medyo more than your usual regalong panligaw:

1. Bili ka ng century tuna. Ilagay mo sa isang napakalaking box—yung sinlaki ng TV o kaya box ng desktop PC mo. Tapos balutan mo ng magarang pambalot. Kuntsabahin mo na yung teacher niya sa Calculus. Sa gitna ng klase, bigla kang kumatok sa classroom. Pero dapat, incognito ka. Magsuot ka ng LBC jacket, magshades, at magsuot ng surgical mask. Pagpasok mo sa classroom, iabot mo yung box sa teacher, at papirmahin mo ng acknowledgement receipt. Tapos pabuksan mo in front of everyone. Tignan mong mabuti ang reaction sa mukha niya.

Later during the day, pag tinanong niya kung bakit Century Tuna ang binigay mo, iikot mo yung lata at ituro mo yung sign na “Omega 8.” Pag tinanong niya kung ano yung Omega 8, sabihin mo: “because you’re good for my heart.”

2. Mangolekta ka ng isang dosenang hanger na libre mong nakukuha tuwing nagpapa-dry clean ka. Tapos, sa bawat hanger, isulat mo: “I miss hanging out with you.”

3. Instead of roses, kuha ka ng tissue paper sa banyo ng school mo. Gawin mong tissue paper roses. Gawa ka ng isang dosena. Pag-abot mo, sabihin mo, “Ganito kalinis ang pag-ibig ko sa’yo.”

4. Bili ka ng tetra pack ng mantikang Minola. Tapos bilugan mo yung “with Omega 8.” Hindi na siya magtatanong kung bakit.

5. Bigyan mo ng ice cream cone. Dapat cone lang at walang ice cream. Pag hinanap niya yung ice cream, sabihin mo, “natunaw na kakatitig sa’yo.”

6. Bili ka ng sandosenang box ng crayola. Kolektahin mo lahat ng black. Lagay mo sa isang box ng crayola. Sa likod, isulat mo: “Walang kulay ang buhay kung wala ka.”

7. Bigyan mo siya ng mumurahing bumbilya. Alam mo na siguro by this time kung ano ang isasagot pag tinanong niya kung bakit. (para sa mga hindi maka-“gets”, kapag tinanong ka, ang sagot mo ay, “sapagkat, ikaw lamang ang tanging ilaw at liwanag sa buhay ko”, o kaya naman ay, “you light up my life”…

8. I-text mo siya ng: “Hindi tayo tao, hindi tayo hayop, hindi tayo halaman. Bagay tayo. Bagay!”

9. Bigyan mo siya ng calling card ng MMDA. Sa likod, isulat mo “para pag nagkabanggaan ang puso natin.”

10. Padalhan mo ng Happy Meal pero huwag mong ibibigay yung libreng laruan. Paghinanap niya, sabihin mo: “Ako yung freebie, at ikaw yung meal na nagpapahappy sa’kin.”

11. Sunugin ang kanyang bahay at padalhan ng hallmark card: "aanhin mo pa ang bahay mo, kung matagal ka nang nakatira sa puso ko"

12. Pagkatapos sunugin ang kanyang bahay, padalhan siya ng isang box ng posporo, Guitar brand. unahan ang kanyang galit at sabihin, "ayan ang posporo na ginamit ko sa pagsunog ng iyong bahay, match na tayo"

13. Sa kalagitnaan ng isang malupit na bagyo, pasalubungan sya ng "salbabida", wag payong, o mainit na mami. Pag nagtanong bakit? ang isagot mo ay " ayaw kong malunod ka sa pag mamahal ko."

14. Pag pumayag na siyang makipagdate, dalhin mo siya sa canteen at huwag bibitawan ang kamay. Pag tinanong niya kung bakit, ituro mo yun sign na “don’t leave your valuables unattended”

Handang tumulong lagi,

-Bob Ong- 

At Gold Rusher :))

HAHAHAH who looks dumb. I look dumb. HAHAHA !!