hindi ko mawari (wow)

NOTE:
i thought about making this blog full tagalog but then i realized that i couldn't. so i discontinued it in fear of it becoming conyotic. haha.
this blog may ( i said may okay?) not make any sense to you in the end. brace yourself.

sweet sixteen

okay, i turned sixteen last thursday and i discovered things i never thought actually existed. (which btw i found pretty unrealistic)

i learned that there's this thing that  if you haven't been kissed before your sixteenth birthday, it'll happen on that day. when i heard of this. a BIG laughing emoticon popped in my head! i was like hello??? first of all, i spent my birthday on a mountain! where the heck could you get an opportunity to do that? and well second of all,, there's no one i could think of! so it makes this belief less tangible! i mean like i will let go of something as "seemingly special" as a first kiss thing on my sixteenth birthday just because of this dumb belief. that's dumb.

okay, honestly, i just LOVE my birthdays! i believe that it's this special day that's for you! once a year. so yeah i pretty much put it on top of a pedestal. when september came around, i started being excited. i don't think it was the best thing to do because well,, yeah you guessed it. i didn't have an amazing birthday. why? a big HAHA! i woke up getting greetings from different people. it was nice. everything that happened that morning was okay. like it was a normal day. apparently this normal day became abnormal. not extra ordinary but abnormal. after morning classes and lunch (which btw was ick), i opened my wallet to get some money for my elective. i opened my wallet and saw nothing. how amazing! A GREAT AMOUNT OF MONEY was taken from me and of all the days for me to find out that i lost it was my birthday. i felt so dumbstruck. it was a horrible feeling. you could say that that particular happening just ruined everything.

i went to the vargas studio for photography classes. sir gerry btw was pretty nice and fixed up merienda for us. that cheered me up somehow! haha

i came back to the dorm feeling a little bit better. had dinner (which was still ick) and then went to the laundry area to have cake with my batchmates. it wasn't the party i envisioned i'll admit but i guess that's what happens when one studies in a mountain. :| after the celebration i found a cake from ate sarah which cheered me up even more. (thanks ate sarah!) my day was pretty much over. i hung outside my cottage with friends and just talked about stuff..

my mom called afterwards to greet me. at those moments i wasn't happy nor sad. again the feeling of having such a regular day came on me. it was then when my mom wished me a happy birthday even if everything wasn't going my way did my tears start pouring. i realized that i wasn't having a happy birthday afterall. my majormates were there and they probably noticed that i was crying but i guess they knew that i didn't want to open up yet. after hanging up, i couldn't take it anymore so i went in the bathroom all the while feeling really stupid wondering why i wasn't happy.

i came out and talked to clyde at her room. i ended up really hating being a teenager. okay i am a very emotional person and i hated it so badly because i never had this much angst before. at that moment i really hated the fact that teenagers' emotions just go up or down. scratch that. have absolutely no direction with absolutely no reason. it's like at this stage there are no why's nor how come's. there are just is'. is' that don't have explanations. like taoism. it just is. thinking about this while crying i hated it so much! i wanted to get out of this instability of emotions because if i were a suicidal i would've been dead by now. i hated the fact that i couldn't understand anything! i mean despite of all the surprises i had that day i still wasn't happy. the feeling that all external elements in your life seem to be going well however your heart and your mind just don't seem to agree. it was like being in limbo wherein one's punishment is living in a peaceful place but feeling extremely depressed.

I ABSOLUTELY HATED IT!

i just wasn't happy.

what made it horrible was the fact that there was no reasonable reason.

you know the usual result after crying? you feel better yes. i did.

after i felt better. i started moving on with the day. with the things i had to do.

just as i was about to hit the hay i received an unexpected call. you know i honestly don't know why but yes i did feel a whole lot better afterwards. i guess greeting through call makes all the difference in the world. you know compare it to texts. it's just different. don't ask why. i have no answer for that. i just felt good afterwards.

okay probably the closest things that happened on my birthday that were part of my fantasies were the cake, the friends? but that's it. what was weird about it was that i actually enjoyed the day after my birthday a lot  more than my birthday itself. it really was weird :))

though everything wasn't a dream come true. i realized just right now that what happened was something i needed. i didn't experience having loads of presents to open, becoming ravishingly gorgeous, throwing a massively awesome party or having whatever, a prince charming sweeping me off my feet on a day i happen to hold very close to my heart. i didn't exeperience these things because i didn't need this. these expected things are just superficial. sure, they'll be memories i could possibly cherish forever.  this rather depressing experience seperates me from those who experienced these magical things. if i experienced these things, that wouldn't make me any different from them. (i admit that i do feel bad that those things didn't happen to me. just to make that clear okay?) i learned real things. i was given the gift of reality on my birthday. reality is suffering afterall right? it's not the magical rags to riches story! i mean those stories are only there to inspire you. but what's the use of inspiration if you don't materialize it right?


sweet is just a word. sixteen is just a number. i guess it was set in the stars that i wasn't gonna have a hell of a time that day. God has his reasons and i won't bother finding out.

may life be sweet for all of us.

photo essay ng lojaegue

this was what we worked on all night!

we had to make a friggin story about patriotism :)) haha

trabaho!
ayesha-taga lagay ng transition
janine-tagaburn, bili, design ng cd
japhet-tagasunod ng utos ko at tagapicture
ji-ann-taga tanggal ng frame, taga ayos ng music, taga sunod at taga picture
joelle- tagadala ng materials.

comment :D

hell

which level were you placed in?

purgatory

 

 4

levels 1-3

 

 4

levels 4-6

 

 0

levels 7-9

 

 1

Our homework in Arts Studies III was to take the Inferno test..

I belong to the first level of hell-LIMBO

Charon ushers you across the river Acheron, and you find yourself upon the brink of grief's abysmall valley. You are in Limbo, a place of sorrow without torment. You encounter a seven-walled castle and within those wall you find rolling fresh meadows illuminated by the light of reason, whereabout many shades dwell. These are the virtuous pagans, the great philosophers and authors, unbaptised children, and others unfit to ente the kingdom of heaven. You share company with Caesar, Homer, Virgil, Socrates and Aristotle. There is no punishment here, and the atmosphere is peaceful, yet sad.

How about you? Where do you belong to?


CLICK and tell me where you were placed in..

sinapian si roi ni karen

would you kindly turn your attention to the right part of the video and see how roi dances like karen :)) hahaa!

WHAT IF???

okay. i guess i first got this idea from clyde one day.. and ever since that day, i would always think about it.. *sigh* well wouldn't it be great to have a what if machine?? i mean.. we all know that the adolescent years (from the ages 12-20.. it's just my perception of course) are probably the most critical years of one's life..

it is at this stage when we experience the moments where we figure out if we want to make the most out of our life or decide to just throw it all away..

it is when we meet maybe the most influential and unforgettable people in our life who either show us the right or the wrong way..

it is when we truly question our existence.. whether we are here for a reason or just here to be called what people would say epal??

it is when we experience the feeling of love for someone else.. if it is the simple puppy love or the true-forever-until-death-do-us-part-kind-of love..

it is when we break out from under the wings of those who nurtured us since birth..

well i guess you get the point by now..

moving on...

so.. im fifteen and well three years isn't exactly long yet but the question "what if...." has come into my mind oh so many times and it drives me crazy..

wouldn't it be absolutely cool if you could own a what if machine that could show you the endless possibilities of life?  things that are seemingly simple as what if you chose to go with this certain haircut or stuff that are not so simple such as what if you chose this course in college and the like.. as we all see in movies, when going back in time, changing something as simple as the way we blew the heat out of our coffee could do such a big difference in the future.. haven't we all seen that? aren't we all curious now?

having a what if machine would be like watching a movie about yourself.. everyone undeniably has a little bit of vanity in him/herself so to be able to see something about one's self for a change.. is well.. a change! (just message me if you believe otherwise)

forget the time machines everyone!!

now i've got something for you to ponder on........ what if _________?

you fill the blank..

The very interesting game of solitaire

i've been recently addicted to solitaire. :|

i'd play it in computers, laptops, xda's and ipods.. yes it's been creepy.. haha i found out also recently that solitaire helps in brain development. phew. then i won't have to worry about turning into those computer zombies with eyebags as big as a crescent moon who play dota or rose online.. no offense.. haha really.. please don't kill me..


but anyway.. it was said that this helps develop a person's intuition.. when it comes to choices.. man i need that badly.. well, i'm human! and like humans are made to be, i make mistakes that come from making the wrong decisions.. looking back.. i have made a lot of mistakes! i shudder at the thought that i haven't even reached halfway through my life yet so it means *shudder* i foresee more choices to make that bring a bag that contains either a happy or a teary or an angry outcome.

i've been playing solitare for such a while and well, i've drawn to conclude that this should be added to the oh-so long list of comparisons to life and to decisions. well it's pretty much like playing it.. one wrong decision could ruin the game however there is still a chance to find a way around that mistake.. we are allowed to undo but not always.. when every card is opened and you're pretty done, there are times when the cards at the top deck aren't arranged right so.. well.. winning is still out of reach.. like playing solitaire.. you go through life alone.. people occasionally pass by and whisper moves to you that either help or not but still it's vital..


CONCLUSION: Solitaire is a safe addiction.. you're bound to get bored too.. sorry that didn't really make sense.. haha :P

singing to the ceiling :>

This was at our third day in HK.
We went to the Hong Kong Academy for Performing Arts and met Kuya Amuer.
He told each of us to perform, so wehen it was my turn to sing
it wasn't loud enough so
he made me lie down and he stepped on my stomach
to make it stronger daw :)) hahaa!

It was pretty hard. notice how my hand gets all stiff :))

I got dizzy after that but it was a cool experience. :>
Thanks to Ate Sa for the video yay :)

Ate ELLE :D

isa pang BP thingg :D

i lovelove jazz! :)) hahaa!

ethnic craze!

LuCa and ObRa style :))

BP-jazz partner thingg

hahaa sorry i dunno the title :D

ALTER_collab

since clyde's in front of me. she's pretty much what you're gonna see
go clyde! :))

Fever-inday badiday! :))

kuya lakhi and ate amie performing.
in our farewell party nung first year.. it was funn! :))

kuuya abs

i made this in my first year =)) hahaa walalang para masaya

commentcomment! minsan niyo lang makita si kuya abs na vain =)) hahaa!

stress: our subtle enemy

honestly how much stress is a person entitled to?

SOUNDS THAT REMOVE STRESS (for me at least)

1. Water dripping, pouring or flowing

                    2.Love songs or whatever songs sung by guys that just melt your heart


                         3. The sound of pen writing on paper

4. Wind blowing
                                              5. Trees/leaves rustling

       6. The sound of breathing steadily 
                                                                               7. Children's soft laughter

8. The sound of crunching leaves
            
             9. Silence :|

                                                                   10. "i'm here."

11. Sand paper.. stapler.. cutting..

             12. Pianos.. saxophones.. violins.. flutes.. bamboo flutes..

          13. Waves hitting the shore   

                                                                14. Enya

    15. Keyboards tapping     
                                                                                     16. harmony



It's time to destress people!!


FIND A FRIGGIN WAY!!!